i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
