From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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