Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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