Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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