We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
