I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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