she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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