I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
