There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize