He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize