If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize