Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
