either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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