look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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