i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
