Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
ugly people sure do ruin things
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
