I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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