literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
