Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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