if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
People in love make me want to vomit
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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