So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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