I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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