Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
