Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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