I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Success! We fucked roommates!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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