I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
