Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
