I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
