I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
