He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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