im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
