If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
