Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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