I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
