Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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