Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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