So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
