we're blogging at a bar
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
