Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
