A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
