i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm too high and old for this...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
