OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
