He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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