I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
