she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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