I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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