tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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