we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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