Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
