You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
