Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
