You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
