I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I didn't notice because vodka
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
