do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
