Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
