please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
