Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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