Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
