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i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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