Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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