i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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