we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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