mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
