the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
