I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
