She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
