you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
