So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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