No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
