You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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