Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
