I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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